no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
