how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's blow job season.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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