Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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