i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
