I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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