I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had to cum in my sink.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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