Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
