Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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