I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
