You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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