i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have aggressive nipples.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
