so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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