dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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