my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
