I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He? As in you personified your dick?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
