hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
