So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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