She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
