They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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