Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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