some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
