"it" just moved
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
