dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
