you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
