don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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