she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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