when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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