i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
