Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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