She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
