I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
