also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
