She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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