My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
