I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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