So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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