He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
