I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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