At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
