I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
