Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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