I want to walk on stilts...naked
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
