Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
