his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
