i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He did a backflip because drugs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
