God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
