Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
