i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i've created a new STD.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
