he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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