dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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