At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
