Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
