My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
