Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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