we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
