i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
