but the lizard people decide everything anyway
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
