I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
