Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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