Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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