So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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