four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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