Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
