when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
