I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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