I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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