mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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